Losing it
by FictionalMe888
Summary: Basically its going to be COB with an OC. So of course there's going to be some twists and differences. Rated T because i'm a teen.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: I wanted to write something sad so I started writing this. Then I decided to tie it in with The mortal instrument series and here we are. I think i will continue with this story i just have to write it. :D **  
**This takes place before COB Jace is around 15 and he and the lightwood kids went with Maryse and Robert on one of their trips to visit Idris.**

"Get up Jay!" I yelled up the stairs.

The response I got was muffled "go away!"

"Jay, come on get up its already noon." No answer. The kids been living in his room for the past couple of weeks. He has to come down sometime.

I was about to go up the stairs and forcibly remove him from his bed when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"I think he just wants to be alone right now. Just give him some space he'll come down when hes ready."I sigh, I know shes right. "Come and help me make lunch."

"Why does he have to mope around like this. Its so… depressing."

"People grieve in different ways"

"I understand that, but moping isn't going to make them come back…" I stop talking because I can feel the lump that starts to form every time someone mentions them. A month ago my parents were killed. My little brother Jason didn't take it to well.

"No it won't, but pretending it didn't happen won't bring them back either."

"I'm not pretending it didn't happen. I just want things to get back to normal."

"It didn't happen that long ago things aren't just going to go back to normal right away. I don't think things will ever be normal again."

"I don't want to talk about this any more." I grab my jacket and run out the door before the tears start to fall. I hear Aunt M call my name but i ignore her.

I run as fast as my feet will carry me. But I can't out run the pain that has taken up permanent residence in my chest. The tears in my eyes are blurring my vision and making it hard to see. Stopping I lean against a tree. Squeezing my eyes shut I will the tears to go away.

Once the tears stop threatening to fall I open my eyes. I look around my surroundings and gasp at where my legs have taken me. The cemetery.

I haven't been here since the funeral. The tears come back and the pain in my chest grows till its almost unbearable. I sigh and walk inside stopping at my parents grave. Memories from two weeks ago fill my head.

Me and Jay stood in this very spot and said goodbye. The tears finally fall as I remember the way his body shook as he kneeled in front of there grave's crying. I was on the brink of crying myself but I stayed strong. Don't cry I told myself you have to be strong for him he needs you. You are a shadow hunter and shadow hunters do not cry. Kneeling down beside him I wrap my arms around him and try to calm him down.

Now as I stand in front of their graves again my legs buckle and I fall to the ground. A sob escapes my mouth and its over I can't hold it in any more. Folding my arms around myself I finally allow myself to cry. My body shakes uncontrollably as the tears fall down my cheeks like water falls.

It hurts so much. The pain in my chest started the day that a man all dressed in black came to door of the London institute and told us our parents were dead. And its been there ever since never letting me forget.

At first I didn't believe him, I lived in a world of denial. I would sit in the big comfy chair in our living room and stare at the door convinced that mom and dad would walk through the door at any time. They never did and soon i had to faced the facts my parents were never coming back, I would never see them again.

That's when we were sent to live with our aunt in Idris. A week later my parents were buried here in the Idris cemetery.

The tears just kept coming and coming, a months worth all coming out at once.

After a while the tears stopped coming and I stopped shaking. Now I just sit there not moving. If anyone were to see me they probably would have thought I was dead myself.

"Hello?"

I jumped at the sound of a voice behind me. Turning my head I see a boy behind me. He looks to be about the same age as me. He's gorgeous, his hair is a beautiful blonde color almost gold and his eyes are gold as well.

Its then that I realize what I must look like. My hair was a mess when I left the house, i'm just wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tank top.

"Hello, are you ok?" The boy looks at me with… concern?

"I'm positively perfect" I say in an overly cheery voice.

He raises an eyebrow at me "really?"

"What do you think?" This time I make sure to as much venom into my words as possible.

Then he does something I would have never expected, he laughs at me. "You look terrible." He says.

Who does this guy think he is? "Well i'm sorry I didn't think I was going to be seeing anyone, next time I go to the cemetery i'll make sure to put on some makeup." He just nods his head but doesn't say anything.

"How long were you standing there?"

"Oh not long before I was sitting over there." He points to a spot on the hill overlooking the cemetery.

"Were you spying on me?"

"No! I was here first. I just watched you for a while."

"Oh how considerate of you, do you always watch people cry in cemeteries?"

He avoids my question by asking another question. This time his voice is more serious when he talks. "Whose graves are those?" He motions towards my parents graves with his left hand.

I hesitate. I'm not completely sure if I should tell him but I could probably kick his ass if need be so I tell him. "My parents"

He grimaces "I'm sorry, I lost my father to."

"What about your mother?"

"Never met her. I live with the lightwoods now."

I know who the lightwoods are they were part of the circle so now they have to live in the New York institute and only come to Idris on official business.

Extending his left hand to me he says,"I'm Jace by the way."

"Charlotte" I take his hand and shake it.

Taking a seat beside me he asks, "Where are you living now?"

"With my aunt here in Idris. I lived in the London institute for most of my life though." He nods his head but doesn't say anything else and we just sit there in silence.

Its nice for a while until I look up and see the sun is starting to set. What? I couldn't have possibly been here for so long aunt M is probably freaking out wondering where I am. I jump up and start to brush myself off.

"Where are you going?"

"Home my aunts probably freaking out by now. I didn't tell her where I was going either I just ran out of the house."

"Alright well bye."

I give him a quick wave before i take off running once again. But this time around the pain in my chest isn't as noticeable.

**Review, Review, Review. Tell me what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry it took so long to get this up. Writers block.**

Chapter one

I stabbed with my seraph blade right through the demons chest. I'm splattered with ichor right before it returns to his home dimension.

"Ugh, seriously?" I whip my head around to the laughter coming from my fellow shadowhunters.

"What you think this is funny?" I fix Alec with a glare and he backs down immediately. Unfortunately Jace isn't as easily scared.

"Yes I do think its funny."

I throw my dagger at him. It just barely misses his head and embeds itself in the wall behind him.

Jace stops laughing. "Jesus Char!"

I smirk as i walk past him pulling the dagger from the wall. It took a tremendous amount of effort but i finally got it free. The I turn to the boys "I'm going to run back to the institute."

With a slight wave of my hand I take off running out of the alleyway and down the streets of New York.

Its pack and every now and then I have to stop to avoid hitting anyone. Not that they see me with the glamour.

I had just stopped to avoid a couple holding hands walking annoyingly slow when a girl about my age with red hair crashes into me. She doesn't stop, she just throws a sorry over her shoulder and keeps running.

I pinch my eyebrows in confusion. Did she see me? It sure seemed like she saw me.

Don't be silly she's just a mundane. Shaking my head I continue toward the institute.

To any mundane the institute just looks like old, run down abandoned church but to me it looks beautiful. And i don't hesitate to walk inside.

After a quick shower i changed into a pair of sweat pants and tank top. Pulling my wet hair in to a high ponytail I make my way toward the kitchen. Where Isabel is busy making something that looks like soup. Shes wearing a black apron over skinny jeans and a tight black top, her hair was in a messy bun on the top of her head but she still looked fabulous. That's one of the things I most envy about Izzy she can look amazing in anything.

"You don't expect me to eat that do you?"

She turns around offended "Of course I expect you to eat it."

"There is no way I'm eating that."

"Why not?"

I peer over the edge of the pot and look at the contents. "Its green!"

"Stop being such a baby."

"I am not a baby!" I give her a little shove from behind. "Hey have you seen Jay?"

"I think he's hiding in the training room."

"Smart boy."

"That's it!" She throws her spoon at me. But I duct and it sails right over my head.

"Missed me missed me now you have to kiss me." I tease. Then before she can throw anything else at me, like say a knife I run out the door and make my way to the training room.

"Jay! You in here?" I yell as I enter the room. No answer and i'm about to leave when I look up at the rafters and see a leg hanging down from the rafters. "Jay I know you're up there."

"Go away Char."

"No. now what's your problem?"

"Nothing just leave me alone."

"Come on Jay talk to me, please."

"I just did."

"That's not what I meant."

"Just leave me alone Charlotte!" I'm shocked he never uses my full name no one does everyone calls me Char.

Without another word I turn and leave the room if he wants to talk he knows where to find me.

"Ugggh!"

"Whats wrong?" I jump at the sudden voice. I turn to see Jace leaning against the wall with his hands folded over his chest. He's just wearing a grey T-shirt but I can see the scars and runes. Jace is the only one who can sneak up on me and it drives me crazy.

"Oh you no little brothers."

He smiles… damn he has a gorgeous smile. "No I wouldn't know I never had any younger siblings."

"Lucky." He matches my pace as we walk down the hall.

"It can't be that bad."

"Oh it can."

As we walk past the kitchen Isabel sticks her head out the door. "Supper's ready."

"No!" Me and Jace yell at the same time.

She lets out an annoyed sigh "I ordered Chinese you babies."

"Finally realized no one likes your cooking did you?"

"Jace!" I smack his shoulder playfully but I can't stop the laugh.

"Honestly I'm not that bad a cook."

I cover Jace's mouth with my hand before he says anything rude and answer. "Oh no you just need more practice."

I can feel something slimy on my palm and pull my hand away. "Eww you licked me!" Jace just smiles and follows Izzy into the kitchen where Alec is already sitting at the table chowing down on his Chinese.

"Someone go get Jason." Says Izzy.

"Not me, he made it pretty clear he wanted me to, Leave him alone!" I try to copy his voice.

"I'll get him," Jace leans in close to my ear "he likes me." I smack him in the back of his head in response. Then he leaves the room laughing.

I ignore the stares from Izzy and Alec and reach for a container of ginger beef. Izzy thinks me and Jace make a cute couple I think shes crazy Jace would never go for a girl like me. Besides I tell myself you don't like him that way you only like him as a brother.

"Are we going to pandemonium tonight?"

"I think so."

"Can I come?" Jay walks in followed by Jace.

"No." I answer.

"Why not?"

"Its too dangerous."

"Oh please give me the real reason you don't want me to come." He sounds annoyed.

"That is the real reason."

"Come on Char I'm 14 I'm not a baby."

"Could have fooled me you were sure acting like a baby in the practice room."

"You forgot didn't you."

I looked at him confused. "Forgot what?"

He leans in close to my ear and whispers "It's moms birthday today." Then he leaves the room with my ginger beef in hand.

I'm swallowed by a huge wave of guilt. It must have shown on my face because Jace puts a hand on my shoulder and asks "What's wrong?"

I brush off his hand and run out after Jay. "Jay wait!" He turns around and I envelope him in a hug. "I'm so sorry." I say.

I can feel wetness on my neck and I realize that's his tears. "I miss her Char."

"I know. I do to."

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	3. Chapter 3

**It probably wont follow the book this closely ever again. I just thought this was the best way to do this chapter. A lot of it is right out of the book with some differences and of course its in Charlotte's point of view.**

**I own nothing except Charlotte and Jason the rest belongs to Cassandra Clare**

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Chapter 2

The club is packed. Everywhere you look theres people dancing together and making out. I try to look around and see if I can spot any demons but all I can concentrate on is how close Jace is to me right now. What the hell is wrong with me? You don't like him like that I scold myself.

I'm wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a black long sleeve shirt that is cut out around my shoulders. I made sure it wasn't showing any of my runes. On my feet I wore my black high heel boots that only go above my ankles but I loved them. My brown hair is up in a high ponytail.

"Thats a demon I can feel it." Isabel points to a blue haired boy with spiky hair holding a stake. I guessed it was rubber because they wouldn't have let him in otherwise. Without waiting for a response she saunters off to work her powers of seduction.

"Lets get ready to help her." Says Jace.

I look around the room "Get Isabel to lead him into the storage closet over there." I point at the storage room door on the other side of the room.

Jace nods "Good idea." Then he gestures to Isabel she nods to let us know she understands.

Isabel lead the blue haired demon into the closet and me, Jace and Alec walked in after them.

Once inside Jace and Alec grab the demon and tie him to a concrete pillar. "Are there anymore with you?" Jace asked.

The demon played dumb "Any other what?"

"Come on now." Alec said. "You know what we are." He raises his hands and lets the sleeves drop revealing his runes.

"Shadowhunter." He hissed.

I stepped in front of him grinning "Got you."

Jace started to pace back and forth behind me "So you still haven't told me if there are anymore of your kind with you."

"I don't know what your talking about."

I snorted."Sure you don't."

Alec speaks next "He means other demons, you know what a demon is, don't you?"

"Demons," Jace drawled. "Religiously defined as hell's denizens, the servants of satan, but understood here, for the purposes of the clave, to be any malevolent spirit whose origin is outside our own dimension-"

I rolled my eyes this was getting boring "Thats enough Jace."

"Char's right," Alec agreed "Nobody here needs a lesson in semantics or demonology."

Jace smiles and turns toward the demon "They think I talk too much, do you think I talk too much?"

Instead of answering the question the blue haired demon said. "I could give you information, I know where Valentine is." I stiffen at the sound of the name.

I look back at Jace, who glances back at Alec, who shrugged. "Valentines in the ground," Jace said "The things just toying with us."

"Lets just kill it." I snarl.

Isabel tossed her hair. "Yeah its not going to tell us anything."

Jace raised his seraph blade.

The boy gasped "Valentine is back," He protested. "All the infernal worlds know it-I know it- I can tell you where he is-"

Rage flared within me "By the Angel, everytime we capture one of you bastards, you claim to know where Valentine is. Well we know where he is to, he's in hell. And you-" I raise my dagger prepared to sink it into his heart. "can join him there."

"Stop!" A voice cried "You can't do this."

Shocked I turn to the origin of the cry. I couldn't believe it, it was the redheaded girl that had ran into me on the street earlier today. So she did see me?

It was Alec who recovered first "What's this?"

Jace recovered his composure next "Its a girl, surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Isabel's one Charlotte's one." He took a step closer to the redhead, squinting as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"A mundie." I say half to myself "And she can see us."

"Of course I can see you, I'm not blind, you know."

"Oh, but you are, you just don't know it." I say.

Bending down to pick up his knife that he dropped when the mundie appeared Jace said. "You'd better get out of here, if you know what's good for you."

"I'm not going anywhere, if I do you'll kill him." She pointed to the demon.

"Thats true." Jace admitted, twirling the knife between his fingers. "What do you care if I kill him or not?"

"Be-because," She spluttered. "You can't just go around killing people."

"Your right," Jace said. "You can't go around killing people." He pointed to the demon. "But thats not a person, little girl. It may look like a person and talk like a person and maybe even bleed like a person. But it's a monster."

"Jace," Isabel said warningly. "Thats enough." I wasn't so sure I was enjoying watching her face.

"You're crazy," She said as she backed away from him. "I've called the police you know. They'll be here any second."

"She's lying." Said Alec.

At that moment the blue haired demon, with a high yowling cry, tore free of his restraints that binded him to the pillar and flung himself on Jace.

They fell to the ground and rolled together. The demon pinned Jace. He slashed with his claws. Jace threw up an arm to protect himself and the claws raked it, splattering blood. I threw my dagger and it landed exactly in the middle of his back. The demon shrieked and fell to the side.

Swift as a flick of Isabels whip, Jace rolled over. A blade gleaming in his hand. He sank the knife into its chest. Black blood exploded around the hilt. The boy arched off the floor, gurgling and twisting. With a grimace Jace stood up. His shirt was darker in some places, wet with blood. He looked down at the twitching form at his feet, reached down, and yanked out his knife and my dagger.

The demons eyes flickered open. "So be it," He hissed. "The forsaken will take you all."

Jace snarled. The demons eyes rolled back. His body began to jerk and twitch as he crumpled, folding in on himself, growing smaller and smaller until he vanished entirely. Back to his own dimension.

Jace turned to me my dagger in his hand extended toward me. "Thanks." He said.

I took it from him. "No problem." I turn when I hear the gasp of pain. Isabel has her whip wrapped around the mundies arm.

"Stupid little mundie," Isabel said between her teeth. "You could have gotten Jace killed."

"He's crazy." She said, trying to pull her wrist back. "You're all crazy. Who do you think you are vigilante killers? The police-"

"The police aren't usually interested unless you can produce a body." Said Jace. Cradling his arm he picked his way across the cable-strewn floor toward the girl.

She glanced at the spot where the demon had disappeared but said nothing.

"They return to their home dimensions when they die, in case you were wondering."

"Jace." Alec hissed "Be careful."

"She can see us Alec she already knows too much."

"So what do you want me to do with her?" Isabel demanded.

"Let her go." He said quietly.

"What!?" I turn to Jace but he either didn't hear or he choose to ignore me.

Isabel shot him a surprised glance but didn't argue and she released the girls arm. "Maybe we should bring her back with us?" Alec said.

"No! She's a mundie. No way!" I exclaim.

"I bet Hodge would want to talk to her." I give Alec one of my death glares and he backs down.

"What if she's not a mundie?" Jace asks.

"Your joking." Isabel scoffs then turns to Jace. "Right?"

I turn to the redhead. "What's your name?"

"Clary," She says "And I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't believe in demons."

"Clary?" The red head whirls around.

"Simon-" A teenage boy around are age came into the room followed by a bouncer.

"Where are those guy with the knives?"

"There right there can't you see them?" She pointed to us but I could tell by the look on simon's face that he couldn't see us. Isabel giggled. I smirked and gave her a little wave.

"Sorry, it was a mistake." And with one more glance back at us she followed her friend and the bouncer out of the room.

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**Hope you liked it, please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 3**_

"Why do you care so much?" For the past half hour Jace has been trying to convince us that we need to go get that Clary girl from the club last night.

"I don't," I raise my eyebrows skeptically. "Its just that she _saw_ us, when we were using our glamours-"

"That and you think she's cute." Isabel interrupted. The thought of Jace thinking shes cute makes me feel sick and I have to sit down. You don't like him, I scold Myself, it doesn't matter if he thinks shes cute.

" I do not." Its very obvious he's lying, this makes me feel even worse.

"Jace, shes a mundie." I insist.

"What if she isn't? How else would you explain her seeing us, hmmm?" This I don't have an answer for.

"I think Jace should go get her I'd very much like to talk to her." I turn my head to the entrance of the library where Hodge just entered.

"Hodge you can't be serious-" I start but Hodge cuts me off.

"I'm quite serious Charlotte. Even if she isn't a shadow hunter she could still see you and that in itself is very strange." He gives me a hard stare.

"Fine. Whatever." I get up from the armchair I was sitting in and push past Hodge. "But I'm not going to get her." I call over my shoulder

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BAM BAM BAM. Someone pounds on my door.

"Who is it?" I ask.

"Its me." The voice belongs to Isabel.

"Come in." She opens the door and steps inside closing the door behind her. I put my book that I was reading down and Isabel sits in my desk chair across from me.

"Jace got Clary."

"Good for him." I say sarcastically.

"She was attacked by a ravener demon in her apartment apparently it got her mom," A hand shoots up to cover my mouth and a gasp escapes my throat. Poor girl. Clary might not be my favorite person in the world right now but I know what its like to lose your parents.

"And apparently she killed it with Jaces censor," Izzy continued her story. "but she got stung and she was out cold when Jace carried her in. And now shes asleep in the infirmary." She finished.

"Where's Jace?" I ask.

She shrugged "Last I saw he was with her but he could be anywhere by now." I nod I can't help the jealousy I feel when Izzy tells me he was sitting by her bed.

"Sorry about my comment earlier." I look at her confused. "About Jace thinking Clary's cute."

"What's there to be sorry for?What do I care if he thinks she's cute." Isabel gives me a disbelieving look.

"Char I know you like him."

"That's ridiculous, I do not like Jace." I try to make myself sound as believable as possible.

"Come on Char its so obvious."

"I do not like Jace! And he doesn't like me either."

"Are you kidding?" Isabel looked at me like I was crazy. "He's crazy about you."

I snort "Yeah right."

"Come on Char, are you blind?"

"No I'm not blind and Jace doesn't like me not like that were siblings that's all."

"Not technically. It would be totally fine if you guys started dating."

"Were not going to start dating. End of discussion." And I walk out of the room before she can say anymore.

I go straight to the greenhouse. Its where I go whenever I want to be alone. Especially when I want to be away from Izzy or Alec. They're both allergic so they never come up here.

I sit down next to a bush of midnight flowers. They only bud at midnight but when they do they are the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen. They've been my favorite ever since Jace showed them to me when I first came here.

Laying down on my back I close my eyes and let the smells surround me and take me away. It smells like Idris and it reminds me of auntie Em's house. I remember helping her in her garden and going on long walks through the country with memories come flooding back the good and the bad. The day she was killed appears at the front of my mind and I relive the scene.

Just a simple demon rade. Easy, we've done tons of them before. But we weren't expecting greater demons to be there. They took us by surprise and we had no time to react. After an intense fight the demon had me against the wall and weaponless. Just as he was about to strike the final blow aunt Em pushed me out of the way and the demons claws sliced her across the neck…

"Char?" A hand on my shoulder wakes me from my memories and I bolt upright. My head collided with a hard object sending a stab of pain through my skull.

"What was that for?" I open my eyes to see Jace rubbing his own head.

"Me? You're the one who snuck up on me."

"I didn't sneak up on you. I came up here and I say you then I realized you were crying and I wanted to make sure you were okay." For the first time I could feel the tears on my cheeks.

"Oh." I say as I wipe them away.

Jaces tone softens when he asks. "Are you okay?"

Instead of looking at him when I answer I look at my hands. "I'm fine."

"Come on Char I know that's not true. Whats wrong?"

"Nothing I was just thinking about Idris… and my aunt. But really I'm fine." I look up and give him a little smile. Hopefully its enough to convince him to drop it.

Its not. "What happened to your aunt?"

I sigh but tell him the story. "And then we came to live at the institute." When I'm done fresh tears are streaming down my cheeks.

Jace takes my hand in his. "It wasn't your fault you know."

I look him straight in the eye. "Yes it was. She pushed me out of the way it should have been me."

Jace shook his head. "No. It wasn't your fault." His voice is firm.

"But Jace-"

"No I wont let you blame yourself for this." The look in his eyes made it clear he wasn't going to argue. "Your aunt knew what she was doing and she wouldn't want you to blame yourself. Okay?" I nod my head. He just sounds so sure.

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